Alisa's Overwhelming Feelings

Post 4 Tues at Midnight

When we were with Britt in the Brazilian hospital 13 years ago, I was very private and was so scared to share any pics or be vulnerable with my feelings. If I had it to do over again I think I would have shared more. With Alisa's permission she told me I could share pics, video's and her feelings.

"It's midnight and I'm finally laying down but my mind won't stop. I'm worried about Britten. He's been sleeping most of today with very little energy and not a lot of activity.

Will he be okay when he wakes up? Will he be able to talk? Will he be able to walk? Did this affect his brain in ways we don't know yet? Should I be there in Texas? If I go back what do I do about y girls, work, all the things that need to be done here?

How long will Britt be down from his seizure? His last big seizure he was down for 5 months? How am I going to do this? How long is he going to be in the ICU or when is he going to be home?

If I don't work what do we do? Will we still be able to get a loan for our house? Are my girls okay? Has this been traumatic for them as they witnessed everything?

Does Britt know I want to be with him? Does he feel my love? How am I going to manage my business's? Do I even have sessions to edit and shoots coming up? Maybe this isn't all appropriate to share online but these are just a few of the things going through my mind.

I walked through our house tonight to see all the things that got done while on our trip and for the first time in my life I experienced a panic attack. It was the first time I've been completely by myself and the reality of this all hit. Britten should be here with me to be excited but instead all I feel is sick to my stomach because he's not here and I can't even get to him easily.

Maybe Britt will be totally fine and it will be like nothing happened...but we just know anything right now. Sorry for the vulnerability, but this is my real life right now.

All that matters to me in this moment is that my family is safe and healthy. Nothing else matters." -Alisa

My heart goes out to Alisa as these are Real concerns. Britten's health has not been good the last 8 months. Her plate is full and she carries so much burden on her shoulders. But, she was saved for Britten because she is Amazing and Can carry the load. And, most importantly, "With God, ALL things are possible"

-Karla & Steven